151. 3 Steps for More Confidence, Connection, and Fun in the Bedroom
Our focus for February has been on relationships, with a special emphasis on sex and intimacy. Our Positively You Book Club has been exploring "Sex Talks" by Vanessa Marin, (side note: Book Club is the last Thursday of the month at 11 a.m. Mountain Standard Time. If you haven't joined us yet, there's always room for more insightful conversation!)
Today's episode has a relaxed, girls-night-out slumber party vibe. I'm not at my desk today—I'm cozied up on the bed, ready for a fun, candid conversation with you. We’re diving into how we can feel more confident in the bedroom (no more lights off only sex), increase our presence and connection (no more thinking about groceries or that you need to schedule a dentist appointment in the middle of the act), and how to actually be excited to do the dedd instead of it being just another thing on the to-do list.
Let's jump right in with three specific strategies to boost confidence, excitement, and presence in the bedroom.
Want more Confidence?
Believe Your Partner's Compliments
Raise your hand (metaphorically, of course) if you've ever struggled with accepting compliments from your partner, especially those about your appearance, and especially when you’re totally naked. He says something mid romp like “Man, you are so sexy” and you just roll your eyes and think. Yep. These saggy boobs and stretch marks sure are sexy.
I get it. It’s so easy to feel hesitant or even dismissive of those compliments from your partner particularly after major life changes like childbirth.
But what if we dared to believe our partners' affirmations without rebuttal? In the full episode I share my personal revelation: I simply started allowing my partner's compliments to exist without resistance. I didn’t have to believe they were true- I just allowed him to believe and say them. Eventually I began to internalize them, and wouldn’t ya know it? Eventually I started to kinda, sorta, maybe believe it and my confidence began to soar.
Try it. The next time your partner gives you a compliment- don’t try to refute it. Allow it and let it sink in.
Can’t Get Outta Your Head During Sex?
Try Dirty Talk
Ever found your mind wandering to grocery lists mid-romp? It happens to the best of us, especially amidst the chaos of parenthood. One powerful trick to stay present is through vocal expression and yes, dirty talk!
I’m not saying you need to turn into an X-rated, make your mother blush (or cry) bad girl version of yourself (but if you like that- you do you, babe!) Even by simply vocalizing sensations and desires, we can anchor ourselves in the moment, shut out distractions and enhance connection. From subtle affirmations (like ooh, that feels soooo good) to playful banter, embracing vocal expression can ignite passion and deepen intimacy.
Sex Feels Like a Chore?
Make it Fun by Extending Foreplay Beyond the Bedroom
I am a firm believer that foreplay isn't confined to a few minutes before the main event—it's an all-day affair. Building anticipation throughout the day through flirtatious texts, playful gestures, and genuine connection cultivates excitement and desire. It shifts our perspective from viewing intimacy as a chore to eagerly anticipating moments of connection with our partners.
I invite you to reflect on these three strategies and consider how you can integrate them into your own journey toward a more fulfilling intimate life. Share your thoughts and experiences with me—I'd love to hear about your own strategies for boosting confidence and excitement in the bedroom!
And remember that confidence and excitement in the bedroom are attainable with the right mindset and strategies. By believing in our own desirability, embracing vocal expression, and extending foreplay beyond the bedroom, we pave the way for deeper connections and richer experiences with our partners. So go ahead—embrace your sensuality, indulge in playful banter, and savor the anticipation of intimate moments ahead.
If you enjoyed our conversation, share it with a friend, leave a review, or connect with me on Instagram.
Until next time, embrace your worthiness, prioritize pleasure, and go have some fun!
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Join The Positively You Book Club- This month we are reading Sex Talks by Vanessa Marin