EPISODE 014: USING THE ENNEAGRAM TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
Today I am joined by my guest JAIME GORDON. A TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE COACH and Enneagram Expert! Our conversation was so good as we dive into the world of the Enneagram.
So what is the Enneagram. It’s a personality model. It’s useful, it’s not perfect. The Enneagram is unique because it not only gives the strengths, but also talks about each types weaknesses.
If it seems like the Enneagram is a lot more in depth, than other personality tests, that’s because it is. There are 9 different types- but it’s so much more than that!
Crash course time on how the Enneagram works. There are nine types. The Enneagram symbol is a circle, like a clock. With 9 being at the top and then going all the way around. 123456789. Then each of those 9 types are broken up into “Triads”, the heart, mind, and gut. You also have these “legs” where your Enneagram number goes to in times of strength and growth or where you move to in times of stress. Then there are also “wings”. Which are the two numbers on each side of your number. And then (don’t worry I’m almost done) to further complicate things- there are also subtypes. So instead of 9 types there are 27 types when you break down all the different combination options.
But all that is sooooo much more than you need to get started! The important thing to start is just to know you number to start to understand how you view things and the world around you.
So what are the 9 Enneagram types?
Here is a real quick breakdown from Jaime on each of them:
Type 1: The Perfectionist or Reformer. They are motivated to be perfect or right. They fear being bad or wrong.
Type 2: The Helper. They are motivated to be loved and needed. Fear is to be unloved or to not feel like they are needed.
Type 3: The Achiever or Performer. Motivated by success and achievement. They fear having no value outside of their successes.
Type 4: The Individualist or Romantic. Their motivation is to be uniquely significant. They fear having no identity or significance.
Type 5: The Investigator: They are motivated to feel competent or to master things, They want to have complete understanding and independence. Their fear is to be helpless and incompetent.
Type 6: The Loyalist. They are motivated to be secure and have support and guidance. They fear being unable to survive alone. They have a really high need for certainty.
Type 7: The Enthusiast. Motivated to be happy satisfied and content. Fear is being trapped in pain or being deprived of something. FOMO is real for a seven.
Type 8: The Challenger. They do not want to feel vulnerable. They are motivated to be in self protection or in control. They fear being harmed, controlled, or violated.
Type 9: The Peacemaker. They are motivated by wholeness and peace of mind. They fear loss, fragmentation and separation. They fear conflict as a whole.
How in the heck do you find out what type you are?
A good place to start is by finding a free test on the internet. (linked below) Or you can take a more in depth test that costs a little bit of money. also linked below) One of the best ways to type yourself is just by learning more about each type. By diving into the fears of each type you can start to notice which one feels like it pulls to you.
The book, The Road Back to You is a really good read and a great place to start. I was told that generally speaking we do not like our own number. As you are reading, the type that feels like most disgusting or exposing to you is a good hint that you might be that one. We like that good traits, who doesn’t love a good compliment- but it’s those exposing type traits that make you cringe—BINGO that’s your number. For me, the chapter on type 9’s was like someone peered into my soul- it was crazy how spot on it felt for me and it was definitely the “weakness traits” that solidified that I found my type.
Why is it important to know our number? Doesn’t that just put me in a box?
Like the old cliche says: “In order to grow ourselves we have to know ourselves” - And the Enneagram is just one more tool in our tool belt. But a lot of people can use this as an excuse or put themselves in a box instead of using it as a growth tool. Using your weaknesses as an excuse for why you can’t do something or a get out of jail free card for offending someone. “Oh, sorry that’s my 8 showing again.”
When you claim your number as an excuse, you are playing victim to yourself and doing yourself a complete disservice. I love what Jaime said here,
“The Enneagram gives me an owner’s manual for myself. We are responsible for our own lives and happiness and personal development. The Enneagram just gives you more information about yourself. “
Is it important to know my partners Enneagram number?
I asked Jaime this question and she said “While I think it’s important to stay in your own lane, it can be valuable to know other people’s (like your spouse) number. It can help you to understand how they might be viewing a situation differently. It can be useful as long as you aren’t using it as a weapon.” (Example: “oh my gosh stop being such a 9”).
Is it right or okay to type our kids or other people?
There’s not really a right answer here. I (Jaime) think it depends on the motivation behind it. If you are doing it to manipulate or control- then no. But if you are using the Enneagram as a way to understand them and know them better and its out of love- then yes. I think it can be super beneficial to understand other people’s fears and motivations. That’s why it can be so neat to to read and learn about all of the types instead of just our own. It helps us step outside of ourselves and our own googles that we view the world in.
“When we can get out of our own viewpoint begin to appreciate other people’s viewpoints it creates a sense of intimacy and connection. Which is a basic human desire and need.”
The Enneagram can help us with connection
And maybe that’s way the Enneagram is so trendy right now. Because we are so disconnected in our culture. We aren’t high touch and physical. Things are very much virtual. We have social media and virtual friendships but we still feel disconnected. And the Enneagram can serve as a way to bring us back into deeper connection. It kind of gives us this cliff notes into other people.
A thought about being ENOUGH
We got talking about the idea of BEING vs DOING. This is very much a trait of the 3, the Achiever, but is universal to all human beings. We do things backwards sometimes and we think that we have to “do” something before we have worth. That is simply not true.
I am me. You are you.
The idea that we are enough or not enough is a lie and when we learn to process that and believe that in real time, the more we do that, the less we need personality and we can ping pong around that diagram and be whole and whoever we wanna be.
And wow- that just came full circle. From figuring out our individual Enneagram number to using it to better love and understand others to realizing the deep connection we all share as humans on this planet. Didn’t think we were gonna get super deep- but we did, and it was super cool.
Wanna know more about Jaime? You can find her here on Instagram and make sure you check out her Enneagram Episodes- they are always SPOT ON! And check out what other offerings she has on her website.
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